Demented Eloquence

begins with a description of the man himself: ‘Don’t Judge by Appearances’, a ‘lairy and contrary man’, which is somewhat counterpointed by his face value - though mostly factual - opinions at government policies, where political sideswipes are meted out rather wholeheartedly. Moreover, these rallying observations are the crux of the book. Among other things Rapunzel Wizard adopts the persona of the dreaded (no pun intended) white van man or the executor of the will of some faceless bureaucrat; indeed, he also becomes an occasional table! However, more serious issues pepper this pot, inclusive of relationship meltdown and the lovingly crafted poem ‘Corn Dolly’. Performance poems, yes, and at times such words may scream off the page, but with whispered subtleties lurking beneath. And if anyone thinks otherwise then go argue the toss, but for what its worth there’s ‘venom swilling on his tongue’ in one who’s intimate with the art of Ninjitsu Yoga. It’s your call.

Comments on the poetry of Rapunzel Wizard:

“Hilarious and hard hitting political poetry” — Comedy Capers

“Sidelong observation and sharp commentary” — Wordfringe

“Had me roaring with laughter” — Oxford Daily Info

“Coleridge meets Skelton in the body of Gandalf” — Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy!

“Empty sloganising” — The Morning Star 

White Van Man

I’m not racist but...

I drive a white van round the industrial estate.
I like Jeremy Clarkson, you I hate.
I don’t like blacks, or if you’re gay,
I don’t like Poles, or the things you say;
don’t reason with me, it ain’t no use
’cos what’s written in The Sun is gospel truth.
I’ll cut you up at a roundabout,
I’ll cut you up on a Friday out.
I’m white van man, white van man,
I’m not racist but… I am.

I’ll insult you as I drive on by
’cos I figured you out in the blink of a eye,
I don’t like squatters, or refugees,
or blokes who don’t conform like me;
wimmin I like if they’re on page three,
sexy and sexist is the same to me.
I like the queen, ’cos I’m also inbred,
but mention that fact and you’ll end up dead.
I’m white van man, white van man,
more intolerant than the Taliban.

I’m an oppressed minority in my own country,
all persecution complex and bigotry,
I don’t drive a black, brown, or yellow van.
Keep England for the English, moron.
I’m white van man, white van man,
more intolerant than the Taliban.
I’m white van man, white van man
I’m not racist but… I am.

Bio: Rapunzel Wizard writes and performs poetry, along with prose, plays, and songs. He started young, first reciting verse to an audience when he was six years old, and never really got out of the habit. Originally from Sussex, he is now based in Aberdeen.

Rapunzel’s poems have appeared in many anthologies and periodicals, but this is the first collection of his work to be published.